we'll be counting stars
by abbyli
Summary: "Sometimes, bad things need to happen so you can remember that good still exists in the world."
1. prologue

**title: **we'll be counting stars

**summery: **In the wake of a tragic school shooting, Damon and Stefan struggle to find a sense of forgiveness and the ability to move on.

**pairing: **damon/stefan brotherly, stefan/caroline, damon/bonnie, some lexi, alaric, no elena, no originals

**rating: **very strong T, could change to an M later

**disclaimer: **own nothing.

**notes: **About a year ago, I wrote a 'thriller' story called 'our hearts beat in sync' which centered around our brothers and also the need to find the ability to move on from a great tragedy. This idea that you are about to see was my original idea before I decided to go another way. If you are interested, check out 'our hearts beat in sync' because I particularly proud of it and I do hope that you enjoy it.

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title is lyric from 'counting stars' by onerepublic. amazing song!

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**.**

_**prologue**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

Fireflies dance in the bask of the evening light.

And the man sits and remembers.

It is that one day, that day that changed his life and his loved ones' lives forever, bringing everything that they had ever known, ever questioned into full circle.

**-;**

Twenty three year old Damon Salvatore glares viciously at the open textbook in front of him. The chemistry problem that he had been poring over for the last hour was watching him mockingly, the stupid letters practically daring him to try and solve them out. He wonders again why the hell he is even in this class, knowing that this isn't anything that he is even going to get close to once he gets his degree. But, alas, to become an English Literature teacher, he needed all of this bullshit under his belt.

It was fun, being in college, he would admit that. He was four months away from finally getting his Bachelor's degree and then he would return to school to head for his Master's. His dear little brother was already ahead of him, advanced in nearly every single class. He would finish his Bachelor's at the same time that Damon would, of course being in the medical program instead.

"Show off," he mutters under his breath, feeling his pencil crack dangerously in between his fingers.

"Hey, Damon!"

Speak of the devil.

"Hello there, little brother," Damon says, hitching a smile on his face as he looks up at his brother. "What do you want?"

Stefan blinks those owlish green eyes at him before smirking. "I can see you're still fighting with that chemistry problem."

"Oh, shut up."

"Ooh, touchy."

"Well, obviously chemistry is like a walk in the park for you. You want to solve it for me?"

"Why sure, big brother."

The elder of the two watches with wide eyes as Stefan sits down and solves the problem within five minutes. Damon takes in his brother's concentration as he works, the way his lips purse and his forehead broods. It really is amazing.

Once Stefan solves the problem, he bends his head close to Damon's and proceeds to explain it in laments terms, nice and slow. With his younger brother's gentle direction, it finally starts to make sense and he is able to work through the equation on his own.

"Thanks, Stef," he replies softly, glancing up into his brother's emerald eyes.

"No problem, Damon," Stefan answers with a tiny smile before getting to his feet and exiting the library.

**-;**

It's nearly another hour later when the irritated Salvatore exits the library himself, finally finished with the problems and heading to his final class of the day. He eyes the watch on his wrist that his brother had given to him on his last birthday. The day is finally drawing to an end. His plans once his final class was over was to go home and sleep throughout the whole weekend, he was just too damn tired.

After the death of their parents in an accident a year ago, it had just been him and his little brother. They had friends and other family that they loved very much but in the end, it would always just be the two of them.

Sometimes, Damon wondered what his life would be like if he ever lost Stefan.

"Mr. Salvatore? Are you going to stand in the doorway all day?"

He looks up to glimpse his American History professor watching him from behind his desk. Alaric Saltzman was barely a couple of years older than him and also a close friend of the family.

"Sorry Mr. Saltzman," he replies softly, scooting over the threshold and catching the gaze of a cocoa skinned beauty in the front end. They exchange winks and he lowers himself into a seat behind her.

As Alaric begins the lecture, Damon feels his phone buzz against his thigh. Glancing down, he carefully pulls it out of his pocket and glances at the screen.

_U look tired._

He smirks, silently typing out a reply.

And then the girl's phone quietly buzzes.

Alaric, of course, hears them.

"Mr. Salvatore and Ms. Bennett, can you kindly turn your phones off before I read the lovey dovey messages you just sent to each other to the rest of the class?"

Damon chuckles softly, hitting the power button on his phone and replacing it in his pocket.

"Sorry Mr. Saltzman," he says again with another smirk.

This happened all the time and to say the truth, he never got in trouble.

**-;**

Thirty minutes into the class, he slips out to head to the restroom. He pushes the door open to see Stefan at the sinks, vigorously washing his hands.

"What did you put your paws in now, brother?" he asks as he turns on the water on one of the adjoining sinks.

Stefan rolls his eyes. "Just got out of anatomy lab. We had to dissect—"

"Ah, never mind. I don't need to hear the gruesome deets," Damon says, squirting a bit of soap into his palm.

"Hey, it's part of my studies," Stefan says as he grabs a paper towel. "Wait until I start with cadavers."

"Are you determined to gross me out today?"

"Sorry."

"No, you're not."

"You're right, I'm not." The younger Salvatore tries to duck the smack aimed at the back of the head, nearly hitting his head against the mirror. Damon's hand snaps out and pulls him back in time.

"It's a wonder you don't hurt yourself in these classes, you're such a klutz," Damon chuckles, gently giving Stefan a shove and snatching some paper towels. "Hey, what are you doing tonight?"

"I'm meeting Caroline and Lexi for dinner. Lexi's birthday is next week but she's not going to be here, visiting her family in North Dakota so we're celebrating it now," he says. Lexi was Stefan's best friend since childhood. She and Damon were the same age but she felt like that she needed to take care of the younger Salvatore like he did. Of course, it didn't stop the immediate dislike between the elder Salvatore and her.

"How is the old bag anyway?" Damon replies with a hint of sarcasm, avoiding the slap that Stefan aims at his head.

"Her name is _Lexi_, smartass. And she's fine." His phone buzzes and he glances at it. "What about you? Are you and Bonnie going to have your epic hookup tonight like you keep planning?"

"Actually, no. After midterms this week, I am exhausted and I am just going to go home and sleep all weekend."

"I never thought I'd see that, Damon Salvatore turning down a one night stand."

"Oh shut up."

Stefan just laughs softly. The two brothers grow silent for a moment, relishing in the tranquility of this Friday afternoon, even if it was in the middle of a bathroom.

At that moment, that is when they hear it.

_Pop-pop-pop_

"What the hell was that?" Stefan muses, taking a tentative step for the heavy wooden door.

"I dunno."

Stefan takes another step and his hand darts out to grasp the doorknob. He opens it an inch and another round of the weird sounds rip through the air.

"Oh, my god—"

"What is it?"

"It's that guy Vinnie. He's in one my classes. He's got a gun."

**-;**

It was all a blur.

Damon didn't really remember the next fifteen minutes, except that it was like he was trying to watch a bad movie through a snowy television screen.

One moment, he was standing inside the bathroom and then he was outside, hastily trying to push his little brother towards the exit.

And then Vinnie appears at the end of the hall, shotgun in his hands.

Vinnie was a tall kid, around six feet with dark auburn hair that hung in shag cut around his ears. He was constantly flipping his bangs back like Justin Beiber and held that familiar look of a deer caught in the headlights. He remembered seeing the kid a few times on campus, always walking alone and always looking just so alone.

"Damon. Stefan."

Those were the only words that the boy would utter before raising the shotgun.

"Damon, get down!" Stefan's body is suddenly covering him, pushing him to the ground.

The bullets rip through the air, and he can hear his little brother's cry of agony.

And then there is blood.

So much blood.

**-;**

* * *

**I have been fighting with this chapter for three days, trying to figure out how to put it down. Now don't worry, I have no intention of killing either brother, they are both going to make it out of this. **

**I wanted to spend this chapter focusing on the brothers' bond and how they really cannot live without each other. Tiny mentions of other relationships but this will definitely be a story about our brothers without Elena around at all. If you don't like the relationships that also occur, then don't bother leaving a scathing review about how much you hate them. Yes, they have women that they love that are not Elena but each other is who they love the most. That is real love story of this story and of the show. I just wish that Julie Plec respected that more. **

**Anyway, I'm really not sure if I like this chapter or not. It's full of holes that I can hopefully fill up next chapter and the ones after it. I guess that's my point. :) **

**Thanks guys. Have a safe and happy weekend. And never forget to reach out to your fellow man. **


	2. waiting

**.  
****.**

_**waiting**_

_**.  
**__**.**_

He lifts up a hand and finds it slick with blood.

There is another blast as the sounds of sirens fill the air.

His head turns weakly and he sees his little brother laying mere inches away.

Stefan.

Ohgodohgodohgodohgod.

"Stefan?"

His voice comes out in a damn whimper and he hates it.

Damn it.

He tries to shift to his feet but his limbs are trembling so violently that he slips.

He slips in even more blood.

His brother's blood.

"S-Stefan?"

His brother just lays there, his face buried in his arms almost like he was sleeping. For a split second, he remembers when Stefan was sixteen and had come down with a horrid case of pneumonia. He had had a habit of turning and lying on his belly, his head resting in the crook of his arms. He said it was an easier way to breathe instead of on his back.

A trembling hand reaches out, gently nudging his shoulder.

"Stefan, p-please-"

But there's nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

And he feels nothing.

He doesn't feel the paramedic's gentle hands as he is pulled away from his brother. He doesn't feel those same hands as they inspect him for injuries, barely even hearing his voice as he asks him if that blood is his or not. If he is hurt. He can barely manage a shake of the head as the paramedic continues to poke and prod his torso, checking for any evidence of bullet holes.

He can barely see anything.

Everything blurs in front of him.

It's a soft focus as he makes out the medics working on his little brother. He can hear their panicked voices fading away, trying to control the situation as they work to bring his brother back from death.

It's too late.

It's always going to be too late.

He didn't get there in time to receive his mother's phone call, moments before the accident that took her away from them.

And he was too late to stop Stefan from jumping on him, from saving his life.

Because if anyone deserved to live, to have that beautiful life with the white picket face and the 2.5 children, it was his brother.

Why was it that he always became the last one left? Why was it that he watched everyone around him die and there was nothing he could do?

With that everlasting thought, he allows the darkness to finally take over.

**-;**

All he sees is white.

He hates the color white.

It's just too damn bright.

And he can hear someone calling his name.

"Damon? Damon, can you hear me? Damon, please wake up."

Her voice is so familiar but so far away…

He wishes to recede back into the darkness. He doesn't want to come back into the world of the living because then he'll have to face it alone.

Nonononononono.

There is a gentle hand on his shoulder, fingers dancing against his brow.

He tries to fight consciousness. He tries to fight coming back into the real world.

But he can't anymore.

"Caroline?"

He hears the girl's shuddered gasp of relief and then she throws herself onto his chest, practically hugging the breath right out of him.

"Oh, Damon! Thank god!" Her voice is choked with sobs and tears, feeling them hot against his neck.

He finally pushes himself back to the real world and his vision focuses. He makes out a pile of mussed up blond hair and his hands come to rest on her trembling back. He feels the filmy material of hospital scrubs and knows something is horribly wrong.

"Caroline, are you all right?" he manages to force out, gently pushing her off of him. His eyes take in her bedraggled form and already knows the answer.

Caroline shakes her head, not even bothering to lie to him. Her eyes fill up with tears once again and a shaking hand reaches up to brush them away.

"Stefan-"

No. Nonononono.

No.

_No. _

His hands dart out and snatch her wrists. "Where's Stefan, Caroline?" His tone is a bit more brutal than he intends it to be but there is nothing that he can do about it. "Where is my brother?!"

Caroline manages to rest her hands on his forearms, taking in deep shuddery breaths. "He's in surgery. He's been in surgery for the last six hours and no one will tell me anything because I am not family. But-but, it-d-doesn't look good, Damon."

He was in danger of passing out again.

There was no way...

And then he's out of that room like a shot.

**-;**

"I am Stefan Salvatore's brother and I want to know what's going on!"

The nurse looks mollified. "Sir, the doctor will be with you as soon as he's through-"

"My brother's not a fucking project, damn it! He's my brother and he's all I got-" His voice breaks off when that familiar hand closes around his shoulder.

"Damon."

He turns slightly and finds himself looking into two hazel eyes that he adores.

"Bonnie."

Her slender fingers touch his cheek and he feels himself instantly calming. "You need to breathe," she whispers. "Just breathe for me, okay?"

There is another body that pushes past them and he recognizes Alaric's deep voice, politely and firmly telling the nurse everything that they needed to find out or he would report her to the board and have her fired. He barely even hears those sneakers scurrying off after that.

His knees threaten to give out on him again. Bonnie's tiny hands are firm on his arms and he allows himself to stagger slightly. Before he's really aware of what's going on, he's being guided into a chair, a plastic cup of water being pushed into his hands.

"Are you guys all right?" he manages to force out. His eyes rake over his girlfriend's form, making sure there were no holes in her. She looks fine, just disheveled and exhausted. "Bonnie?"

"I'm fine, Damon," Bonnie whispers. "We're fine."

That's when he notices the absence of one certain blonde.

His eyes dart over to Caroline. She has pressed herself into a very uncomfortable chair, practically curled up into a ball, trying to make herself look as small as she can.

"Where's Lexi?"

Caroline retreats into an even tinier ball, if that was even possible. Gone is that voluptuous, kind, compassionate, beautiful, bubbly young woman that his brother fell in love with. A tiny girl is left.

"Where the hell is Lexi?"

He sees Alaric and Bonnie exchange glances over the top of Caroline's head and inwardly winces.

He and Lexi may have been at each other's throats all the time, once even coming to blows. Okay, she kicked the ever living crap out of him when he called a floozie. Maybe he deserved that. But she was Stefan's best friend. She had protected him when Damon couldn't. She had been there for him when Damon was too wrapped up in his own grief of the loss of their mother to pay much attention to the little brother that needed him. So yeah, he gave a damn about Lexi. He cared about her because Stefan cared.

"Lexi didn't make it, Damon," Alaric finally murmurs. "She-uh-she and Caroline were in the art building when Vinnie came in. He-(his voice begins to tremble)-he tried to harm Caroline and Lexi-"

Damn it.

Damn it, damn it, dammit.

It was just like that old hag. Of course she would throw herself in front of a gun or a speeding train or whatever the fuck to protect someone.

Must be where Stefan learned it from.

His eyes fall on Caroline again, taking in the wrinkled scrubs that she is wearing. And he realizes that she must have been covered in Lexi's blood-

No, Damon. No, don't think about that.

His eyes go back down to his own scrub clad form. The rust caked underneath his fingernails. Someone must have cleaned him up when he was out. Someone must have wiped away his brother's blood.

**-;**

"Mr. Salvatore?"

His head shoots up and he sees a gray haired man coming through the double doors, the surgical cap still on top of his head.

"Yeah," he manages to force out, clumsily getting to his feet with Bonnie's help. "How's my brother?"

When the doctor hesitates for a moment, that's when his whole world, that world he had been trying to gently build back up in the last hours, start to crumble away once again.

"Is he dead?"

The doctor shakes his head. "No, Stefan's not dead," he answers softly. "You see, the bullet had lodged itself into his spine, making it very difficult to remove. I didn't think that he would make it through the surgery but your brother is a fighter."

Damon swallows before the next words come out. "What are you saying?"

"I am not going to sugar coat it, Mr. Salvatore. I don't expect your brother to make it through the night. His injuries are quite severe due to where the bullet landed. It nicked his aorta, causing great internal bleeding. We managed to stop the bleeding and removed the shrapnel but-but even if your brother does make it through, I don't know if he is going to wake up or even if he will be able to walk again."

Not able to walk.

Not wake up.

_Might not make it through the night. _

"I want to see him."

**-;**

If there was ever a time that his nineteen year old brother looked like a little boy, it was now.

He was so small in that large white bed. His dark blond hair stuck up in a disarray, standing out shockingly bright against the crisp white sheets. His face was swollen and puffy, his eyelids looking like he had gone twelve rounds with a semi-truck and lost.

Damon's pale hand darts out but then retreats. He was afraid that he would break him even more than he was already broken.

He couldn't fix this.

Not this time.

He finally musters up the nerve and his fingertips glide gently over the back of Stefan's hand.

He's so cold.

"Come on, Stefan," he finally whispers. "Stefan, let's get out of this joint. It's dragging me down."

**-;**

* * *

**Brotherly moments! Just like I promised!**

**Damon's gonna be dealing with a lot of guilt due to the fact that Stefan jumped on him, saving him from Vinnie's bullet. Also, Stefan will wake up, obviously. I'll just say that. **

**I killed Lexi, I know. Lexi was Stefan's protector after the loss of their parents and her loss is going to be playing a big part in this story. Everyone dealing with her loss and the grief of their whole ordeal. **

**So yeah, lots of angst and schmoop. It's really sad but this stuff happens. The Newtown massacre is still fresh and I just have to say, we really need to reach out to our fellow man and just extend that kindness and that compassion. Maybe something like this can be stopped. Always remember to love your family and remember how important they are. **

**Okay, I'm shutting up now. I really didn't mean to get your day down if I did. I hope you liked the chapter because hell, we need some brotherly fluff on the show. That's the main reason why Princess Elena is not appearing in this story. **

**Thanks guys. Reviews are appreciated. **


	3. believe in me

_**a/n: **_**Okay, I'm not dead! I'm not dead! I am crawling on my hands and knees, offering a fresh new update that is nice and long. I'm not even going to give a lame-o excuse, I will just say the truth. I wasn't inspired. But now I am. Here you go, guys. *crawls away into the dark***

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**believe in me**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

He sits by his brother's bed, only the beeping of the machines to keep him company.

"Do you remember when you were little? You were about seven years old and you were playing on the monkey bars at the playground. You were horsing around with that old klutz Matt Donovan and somehow, Matt fell from the bars and skinned his knee. He immediately started blubbering about his boo-boo but you calmed him down in an instant and helped him up."

His eyes rake over his brother's still form. The respirator continues to pump the breath of life into his lungs but there is no movement. Nothing at all.

"You didn't know I was there, did you?" Damon lets out a tiny sigh. "I was. I stayed in one of the trees that was about thirty yards away. It was a perfect distance for me to keep an eye on you, to make sure that you were okay. And of course, you were taking care of others."

Damon swallows thickly, allowing one tiny tear to escape. He quickly backhands it, leaning forward and pressing his elbows into his knees.

"Why do you always do that, Stef? Why are you always watching out for others? Why can't you be selfish for once and just take care of yourself?"

Another tear loosens and slips down his face, dripping off his chin and onto his shirt.

"Damon?"

Bonnie's soft voice pulls him out of his haze. A darkened haze that had kept him at bay for nearly twelve hours.

"Damon, you need to get some rest."

Soft arms circle his waist. He feels a nose burrowed into his shoulder, a tiny chin resting there.

"I can't," he whispers, his voice coming out in a croak from disuse. "I can't leave him."

"You don't have too," Bonnie whispers. "There's an open room right next door. I already talked to the doctor. He said that you could sleep there and I will stay right here with Stefan. If anything happens, anything at all, I will come wake you."

His body is already shutting down at the words that are coming out of Bonnie's mouth. His body so wants to take her up on that offer and go to sleep but his mind and his heart keep fighting it. Even as she gently shifts him to his feet, his knees tremble and shake. Her arms tighten around his chest and his fingers clasp hers, practically holding on for dear life.

"You're all right," she breathes, her lips pressed against his ear. "He's all right. You're both all right."

Damon shakes his head, hot tears finally spilling down his cheeks. "It's too late, Bonnie. I was too late."

Bonnie fights her own tears as she guides him from the room. A nurse waits in the doorway and they share a small nod as she slips by them, making sure that Stefan isn't alone for one split second.

He's practically sagging against her, unable to hold on anymore. It takes all of Bonnie's strength in her little five feet, one inch body to heave him along even in only the nine short steps to the room next door. Thank heavens the bed is right there and she lowers him down on it, gently pushing him onto his back.

"You know, if this was a week ago and you were pushing me onto a bed, I'd enjoy it."

Bonnie rolls her eyes. It's just like him to make a stupid pun, even in a time like this.

"Shut up," she mutters softly, leaning down to yank off his boots. She manages to wedge his heel free but can't seem to slide it all the way off. "Unclench your toe!" she moans. His foot loosens and she slides the boot totally off. She does the same for the other, letting them fall gently to the floor. "That's all you're getting from me. I'm not tucking you in like a five year old."

Damon gives her a weak smile. "That's enough."

"Okay," Bonnie replies with an fatigued sigh. "I'm going back to Stefan. Get some sleep." And just as she tries to leave, his hand snaps out and closes around her arm. "Damon, what is it?"

Damon's eyes are wide, pupils dilated with exhaustion. "Bonnie, I'm the one that supposed to be laying in that hospital bed, hooked up to machines. Not him."

Bonnie allows her tears to fall, falling down her cheeks in a thick haze. She swipes at them with her free hand, her other clasping his.

"Don't say that, Damon. Don't you ever say that."

Damon sits up suddenly, causing her to stumble back slightly in surprise. "No, Bonnie. You don't seem to un'erstand. This is my fault. I walked out in front of Vinnie like the idiot that I am and Stefan saved me. He saved me again!"

"And why not?!" Bonnie snaps back. "He loves you. He couldn't bear to lose you!"

"He is dying!" Damon barks, his own voice choked and slurred. It then becomes quieter, the haze of tears seeping through. "That sh'ld be me."

Bonnie finally detangles Damon's iron grip from around her wrists, sinking her thin frame down onto the bed beside him. Hazel eyes meet grey and he's held there, unable to move.

"This is not your fault, Damon," Bonnie murmurs softly. "None of this is your fault. It's something that happened. And Stefan does what he always does. He takes care of others. But he's a fighter, don't you understand? The doctor said he wasn't sure if Stefan would make it through the first twelve hours let alone the first night. And here he is, fighting it. He's not going anywhere and when he wakes up, he's going to kick your ass for sitting here wallowing in self-pity."

Damon cautiously pulls himself up into a sitting position, his head resting against the metal headboard.

"Do you really want to challenge me on this, Bennett?" he murmurs softly, his eyes falling to his crisscrossed fingers.

Bonnie lets out a tiny sigh and leans over, her curtain of black hair encasing their faces as she presses her lips to his forehead.

"Get some sleep. I will be right next door," she breathes. "I'm right here."

And then she steps back, their fingers still linked. Damon is the one to pull away first, finally rolling over onto his side and pulling the pillow closer.

Bonnie can't take it anymore. She just can't… She quickly flees the hospital room, staggering against the door outside. Hot tears make their way down her cheeks, slipping down in a heated wave.

* * *

"How's he doing?"

The nurse glances at the young woman before recording something else on Stefan's chart.

"There's no change," the nurse replies softly. "But he's holding on."

Bonnie's eyes trail over her friend. And the nurse is right. Absolutely no change.

She hates this. She hates all of this.

She hates that she had been done for the day when the shooting happened and she was safe at home already. She hates that she couldn't be there with her friends, to hold Caroline in her arms, to stop Lexi from putting herself in danger to save everyone in that room. She hates that she couldn't be there to holler at Damon to get down. She wishes-

She wishes she were the one that died.

Even if Stefan makes it through this, he's going to have a long road ahead of him. The doctor did say that there was a chance he could be paralyzed forever, or worse.

But what could be worse?

Caroline had watched Lexi die right in front of her.

Damon had his brother throw himself in front of a loaded gun to save him.

How were any of them going to come back from this?

Bonnie lowers herself down onto the chair beside the bed. The chair that was still holding Damon's warmth. She very gently slips her hand underneath Stefan's bruised one, a tiny sigh escaping her lips.

"You know something, Stefan?" she murmurs, bringing that hand up to her lips. "You are just too damn good. You are too angelic." A smirk makes it's way through. "God, I remember a time when you and Damon both got in trouble for toilet papering crazy old Mrs. Flowers' house and you took all the blame because you didn't want Damon to get in trouble and miss his championship game."

She chuckles softly, swiping away a few tears.

"I know you're still in there, Stefan," Bonnie breathes. "You need to wake up because everyone here needs you so much. And you need them. You don't get to cop out now, Stefan. Just...no."

* * *

It happens around seven that following morning.

After only about four hours of restless sleep, Damon pulls himself from the very uncomfortable hospital bed and staggers next door. He finds Bonnie curled up in the chair that he normally occupied, her hand laying just a few inches from Stefan's. He leans in the doorway, arms crossed, as he feels his normally hard heart filling with so much love for these two people. These two people that mean the absolute world to him.

He finally slips across the linoleum floor and leans down into the other chair near the wall. He refolds his arms in front of chest, a mere barrier keeping his emotions at bay. His eyes trace the steady heart monitor, listening intently to every single beep of his brother's life.

There is a putter of movement outside the room door and Caroline tumbles through, looking like hell had strewn her over. Her hair is pulled back into a messy braid, her normally made up face is make up less and her clothes look like they came from Wal-Mart or some thrift shop.

"Look what the cat dragged in," he murmurs softly to not wake Bonnie.

Caroline shoots him a glare as she sets her bag down on the nightstand. "I never wanted to leave," she whispers.

"But Bonnie made you," Damon says. "She made me too. But I didn't go farther than next door."

Caroline wisely chooses to ignore him, lowering herself down onto the end of the bed. Her hands come to rest on Stefan's feet, gently rubbing up the underside.

And then Stefan twitches.

It happens so quick that Damon thinks he imagined it. He quickly rises out of the chair and inches forward.

"Do that again, Blondie," Damon says, his eyes on the heart monitor.

"What?"

"Just do it again!" His raised voice abruptly pulls Bonnie out of her catnap.

"What the-?"

Caroline gently runs her hand down Stefan's foot. There is a loud jump in the heart monitor and Stefan twitches once again.

"Stefan-?"

"Bonnie, go get a doctor!" Damon orders, kicking Caroline off the bed. He hears the click clack of Bonnie's boots as she runs out of the room. Caroline begins furiously hitting the call button as Damon leans over his brother. "Stefan, open your eyes. Open your eyes, Stefan!"

The heart monitor jars to life, beeping away it's glorious music of life.

"Stefan, I know you can hear me," Damon says, hot tears starting to fall from his eyes and onto his brother's face. "Open your eyes, Stefan." He thanks the Gods above that he is breathing on his own. "Come on, Stefan. Believe in it. Believe in me. I know you can do it."

He can hear Caroline's choked sobs from behind him but doesn't bother to give her a second glance. His hands come down and grip Stefan's.

"Come on, Stef. Just open your eyes."

And he does, just as the doctor and Bonnie come staggering back into the room.

"For once, I'm glad I took orders from you," Stefan breathes, voice choked with pain.

And for once, Damon gives into the choked sobs that had been waiting to arrive ever since their parents died.

* * *

"So that's it? I'm paralyzed."

The doctor had been right. Once Stefan had woken up and became lucid, he realized he couldn't feel anything below the waist.

And he was fucking taking it in stride.

Damon leans forward, running a tired hand through his hair. "Yeah, you are. But the doc doesn't know if it's permanent."

"It's permanent," Stefan murmurs, a tiny hitch coming into his breathing.

Damon lets out a groan. "Oh, come on, Stefan! Stop that!"

"Stop what?"

"Don't take everything laying down, no pun intended. Get pissed! You can fight this!"

"How the hell am I supposed to do that?" Stefan whispers. He looks his brother up and down. "It doesn't matter. I'd do it again."

"No you wouldn't."

"Yeah, I would," Stefan says. "Because if I didn't you wouldn't be here."

Damon grunts his annoyance but doesn't reply.

"And besides, I'm gearing up for another round of this when Lexi gets here."

Uh-oh.

"Damon, what's the matter?"

Let's face it. Damon is a crappy actor and sucky at hiding his emotions. He had always been like that and when he acted out, he would run off and do something stupid. Their mother had been the one to control him so he wouldn't jump off a bridge or something but since their mother's death, Stefan had kind of taken over.

And this happens.

Damon doesn't really know how to be the big brother. Stefan had always taken care of _him, _protected him, made up excuses for him against their father's iron hand.

The tables were turned and Damon didn't know what the hell to do.

"Um...Stefan, about Lexi-" Damon began slowly. "She and Caroline were in the art building together when Vinnie showed up and-"

Stefan tried to sit up but Damon's hand pushes him back down. He weakly slaps it away, the strength of a kitten.

"Damon, where's Lexi?" he demands softly, fear starting to rise up in his eyes. "Where is she?"

"She didn't make it, Stef," Damon finally whispers, his heart heavy with pain. "Caroline said that she stepped in front of Vinnie's gun."

Damon almost expected the grief to be instantaneous in his brother but he was wrong. The tears that welled up didn't fall, quickly swallowed back. One finally did escape and trickled down his cheek. Damon caught it with his thumb, gently thumbing it away.

"It's ok, Stef," Damon breathes. "You're allowed to grieve."

"Did she suffer?" Stefan asks, shocking him into silence. "Did she suffer?"

Damon remembers the shaking account that he had gotten from Caroline about those last final minutes of Lexi's life. Vinnie had shot her in the chest and throat and she had spent her last seconds in Caroline's arms, bleeding out. Caroline had told him that it wasn't long, she had lived maybe five minutes at the most.

But she had suffered.

And Damon shakes his head. "No."

The emotions finally break through his brother. Those hot tears that had been welling spill down his cheeks, tiny sobs cracking his lips. A trembling blackened hand comes up to palm them away and Damon catches it, gripping it lightly in his own as he delicately pulls his brother towards him in the softest of embraces.

**.**

**.**

* * *

**Like I promised, finally an update! Lots of brotherly schmoop and fluff, more angst coming back in later. **

**I will apologize for this being so late. All of you fellow writers probably understand the fact of being so excited for a new idea, hurrying up and getting it posted and then running out of ideas three days later. I wasn't inspired and I am trying to find a muse for this story because it's a little plot bunny that won't go away. I will finish this story even though I don't know how long it will take. **

**Special thanks for victoria for pestering me to hurry up and get this new update done. Love ya hun. **


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